Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Randomize
