I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
