when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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