I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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