Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
