Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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