My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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