Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
