Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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