All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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