My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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