in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize