peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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