Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
