Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
