R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
