3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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