I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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