just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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