I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
