it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
