I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
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