i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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