porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
