Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize