That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize