We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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