Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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