Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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