When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
