if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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