I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
