$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
