Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize