my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize