She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
