For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
