Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
