i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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