doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
