Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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