...so i touched it.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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