I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
