Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
