I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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