I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
