Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
