mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He? As in you personified your dick?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
