I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
