a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
