i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
