i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
