So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
