Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We are all done wearing pants today
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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