Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
