He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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