I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
