Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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