I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
