and you said cock pushups were impossible
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
