she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
