The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
