Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
