Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
