I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
