Having a random hookup so left but love u
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
