I just threw up on my dentist
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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