Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Im part way to drunk.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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