Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
