He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
