How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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