So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
