I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
