fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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