i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
now i know why i became what i already was.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
